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Alone but never alone.

Before 11391172_1564241230382167_6637591252085865947_nI became a mother I was told many things about how my life would change but no one ever mentioned how lonely it is. With #1 it wasn’t so bad. I was able to leave her with the hubby and continue out for lunch with friends or not feel guilty about taking her for an hour over to a friends house. After #2 was born most of the friends fell away but I had met other moms so we would meet up once a month and talk to each other online. At least there was some stress relief.
Then I got it into my head to move 1/2 way across the country, get pregnant again and lock myself away in a 930 sq ft apartment with three kids. My husband works in the city in the evenings, stays out with co-workers all night and sleeps all day. We have one car so I am stuck at home after 1pm every day. It’s just me and the kids, and I feel trapped. All the time.
I love them, don’t get me wrong, I adore these little humans that run my life. They are my everything but I feel like I am completely lost and completely alone all of the time.
I am so over run by #2 that I can’t even care for poor #3. I don’t get to talk to anyone anymore unless you consider screaming PUT THAT DOWN! Don’t hit your sister! Don’t eat that! and Get your fingers out of your butt! a million times a day talking to someone.
I’ve tried to make friends, tried joining the PTA, doing the Girl Scout mom thing, meeting neighborhood moms, but no one ever wants to hang out with the single mom who has to cart her three kids everywhere and can only hang out during the day. I can’t run my oldest to sleepovers, pick her up from outings, go to Girls Night Out (the phrase actually confuses me. Moms get to go out with other moms? Friends? What?) or even have time to clean my house so other people want to come over here.
I’ve never been so depressed in my life. It’s true. I’ve been through some shit but complete isolation for over a year now has taken it’s toll on me in different ways.
Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me that somewhere out there are other people who don’t mind my ridiculous army of kids and are willing to actually see me through them.

 

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June 10, 2015 · 3:29 pm

For the love of Coffee and Netflix

 

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I have no idea how many days I am behind on my photo challenge.  For what it’s worth, I apologize. I was on Day 12- Photo of something you love. A picture of my kids would be to obvious so I found this one. It about sums up my whole life right now. 

 

 

 

 

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January 22, 2014 · 1:11 pm

Shameless Self Promotion Post

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Hey Kids!
There are so many new faces around! Welcome to everyone!
Just wanted to remind you all to like my Facebook Page for daily musings,  thoughtful insights, parenting wisdom..
Ok, it’s really just more nonsense but I find it amusing 🙂 Click below or you can use the FB widget on my page!

MommysaidtheFword 

Thanks kids! Make sure to share with your friends too!

 

 

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January 15, 2014 · 2:36 pm

My child is Pho-to-gen-ic

Day #8- A picture that makes you laugh

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January 13, 2014 · 5:04 pm

Liquid Gold

Day #7- A picture of your most treasured possession-

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Yep, that’s Breast Milk. Mothers best.
Why is it my most treasured posession? Because I have worked damn hard to be able to provide enough of it for my baby.  I had trouble breastfeeding K so being able to do it with Sy is so amazing for me.

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January 13, 2014 · 4:56 pm

How many is to many? (A talking it out to myself post)

Day #6 asks for a photo of something I want to do again. The answer, easily, is have more babies! The question really is- How many are to many?

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This question popped up on the Facebook page of a friend tonight. It then followed as a topic on TheLeakyBoob.com and Howtobeaman. Seeing it more than twice made me think that the universe was telling me to get my own thoughts out.
Since I had my son I have really been feeling the pull to have more children. It may be the hormones, it may be mental illness or it may be as The Hub says and my natural Virgo-ness is taking over. Whatever the reason, I can’t wait to crank out at least 4 more of these snuggly, snotty, poop factories that absolutely steal my heart.
I’ve really been thinking hard about this for the last few days. Syfy is almost 5 weeks old, which means I will be heading back to the doctor shortly for my 6 week check up. I know she is going to ask the big question about birth control.
Honestly, when I was trying to get preg last year I got really comfortable with the Natural family planning method so I would like to go that route and whatever happens happens. I would really like to be pregnant again within the year.
They say (and by they I mean my OB and our Pediatrician) that the best time for me to have my kids is between the age of 25 and 35. Well, I am 29 now so if I get pregnant every year I can have 6 more within the window. Not that I want to get pregnant every year. I am thinking that it will probably take 6-7 months between kids for my body to get back and for us to get preg again so I am thinking that 4 more may be possible. I am almost positive that 5 to 6 is my max.

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January 11, 2014 · 4:59 pm

Catching Up

Don’t worry kids, Mommy has not left you again. Real life has been demanding, little man is having a growth spurt so he’s been cranky as shit.

Anywhoo- to catch up on the photo challenge I am combining # 4-5.

#4- A photo of a habit you wish you didn’t have…

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Sweet Christ, you mean I can only pick one? Ok, no judgement.. I’m a nail biter. I have been trying to quit since I was in Kindergarten. I’ve tried hot sauce, special polishes, gloves, more hot sauce… it’s just ingrained in my subconscious. I think it’s because I wasn’t breastfed. Every bad habit is because I wasn’t breastfed.

#5- A picture of your favorite memory

Oh God, I can’t pick one. I really can’t. Once you have kids there are so many absolutely amazing things that happen in your life and most of the time, you are to busy laughing to grab the camera. There are TONS of  great pics on my FB page.. from the moment that Hub proposed to me, Kayla’s birth, our wedding, thousands of pictures of Kayla growing up, Sy’s birth and so many more. I just can’t pick one.

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January 11, 2014 · 4:53 pm

Supernatural Walking Horror

Day 3- Post a photo of the cast of your favorite show. 

You mean, I have to pick just one? I can’t narrow  it down to just one! Lets see, there’s Paranormal Witness, Dexter,  Downtown Abbey, Sleepy Hollow, Call the Midwife, Breaking Bad, Face Off, Project Runway, Scandal, House of Cards, Orange is the New Black, Lost Girl, The Following… to get started. I will admit, I don’t have cable so I am stuck watching shows that are a season behind on Netflix or a day late on Hulu.

Supernatural

#1 with  a bullet is most definitely Supernatural.
I mean, come on.. just look at that… The show is fantastic. I am obviously into the darker, more suspencefull shows and Supernatural fits that to a T. Great writing, witty dialogue and 8 Seasons of Jensen and Jarod gorgeousness to watch back to back on Netflix. Mischa isn’t to bad either.
I got no shame in my game y’all. I’m a Dean fan through and through.

American Horror#2- American Horror Story
IMHO Season One was the best so far. I watched it twice. Still love it.
I love that they bring back the same actors in different roles each Season. I am also a HUGE fan of ANYTHING Jessica Lange does.

download (1)#3- Walking Dead
It’s Walking Dead. Who doesn’t love Walking Dead?
Sure, the show could have been renamed People who lose their kids and sometimes Zombies show up and there are plot holes left and right but it’s entertaining.

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January 8, 2014 · 6:29 pm

The Hub-

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Day 2 of our photo challenge asks that I post a picture of myself with the person I have been closest to the longest.

This is me and the Hub on our wedding day, March 13, 2009. We have been together for 10 years, 10 months, 3 days and 22 hours.

He is my best friend and one of my favorite people ever.

Dear God does he piss me off though!

We’ve been through a lot during the course of our relationship. Definitely proven that “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. Like any couple, we have our ups and downs but through it all I remain sure that he will have my back as I will have his.

I love my husband. That’s about all I have to say about that.

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January 7, 2014 · 6:52 pm

Photo Challenge Day 1-

To kick off my photo challenge I am supposed to post a picture of myself, along with 15 facts. Here goes-
This is me-

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Hot stuff, I know! St. Paddy’s day is a big deal for my family. I like to spend it encouraging people to “Kiss my shamrock” and enjoying a bit of the Jameson. All in the spirit of the holiday of course.

Interestingly enough and random fact #1, I’m 97% sure that I got pregnant with Syfy later that evening.

Random Fact #2- I am 29 years old, thus I will never celebrate another birthday. I refuse to turn 30. Once I turn 30 I have to act like an adult. That is SO not happening.

Random Fact #3- I used to think I wanted only one kid. It took me 6 years to decide to have more after we had Special K. Last year, when I decided to get pregnant with Syfy (then known only as Bean) I decided that I was ready to have a lot more. Now, I’m thinking that 5 or 6 sound like a good number.

Random Fact #4- I love to cook. I mean, I LOVE to cook! I wish I had more time for it. As it is, I try to get it in where I can but it’s not so easy to bop around the kitchen when you are baby wearing and singing a stupid song to get him to stop screaming. For example, last night we made scalloped potatoes and pork chops while singing a lovely rendition of our original song “Mommy just needs a freaking minute”.

Random Fact #5- I hate my hair. Not all the time, just at the moment. I have spent the last few years growing it out from what was possibly the WORST EVER hair cut. Now, it is long enough that I sit on it without realizing it. It grew like crazy while I was pregnant and now it falls out in handfulls. I am in desperate need of a cut and color. Ok, that’s enough whining about the superficial.

Random Fact #6- I’m now unemployed but I dream of starting my own business and intend to do so within the next two years. On that note, does anyone have about $350,000 I can borrow at no interest?

Random Fact #7- I have three tattoos and want many, many, many more. Better turn that $350,000 into $355,000.

Randmom Fact #9- I secretly dream of being a Traveler, or a Gypsy as they used to be known, only without the craziness they show on TLC. That’s a stupid show.
Given the chance I would pack up my kids and spend my life moving around Europe in a caravan. Homeschooling, growing my own food in a roof top garden, learning about nature and the world around us through experience instead of TV.. I know I’m probably romantacising it but that’s the point of having a dream isn’t it?

Random fact #8- I’m bad at math.

Random Fact #10- I am a baked good addict. At this time, I have nothing else to say. It’s something I am still coming to terms with.

Random Fact #11- I read Tarot cards and do Paranormal Investigations/Readings regularly. “Ghost Hunting” is one of my absolute favorite hobbies. I love going into a building and being able to feel what has taken place there before. Yes, sometimes it’s less than pleasant but I am so blessed to have this ability.

Random Fact #12- I want to go to Burning Man. It’s the only thing currently listed on my bucket list. See-
Bucket List-
Go to Burning Man
The End.

Random Fact #13- 13 is a lucky number for my family. My daughter is the 4th generation on her daddys side to be born on a Friday the 13th, we were married on Friday the 13th at 13:00 with 13 guests at our wedding. We tried to carry on the tradition with Syfy, who was originally due on Friday, December 13th (same day as his sisters birthday) but he decided to come early.

Random Fact #14- I’m out of random facts

Random Fact #15- Bacon

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January 6, 2014 · 8:13 pm