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Alone but never alone.

Before 11391172_1564241230382167_6637591252085865947_nI became a mother I was told many things about how my life would change but no one ever mentioned how lonely it is. With #1 it wasn’t so bad. I was able to leave her with the hubby and continue out for lunch with friends or not feel guilty about taking her for an hour over to a friends house. After #2 was born most of the friends fell away but I had met other moms so we would meet up once a month and talk to each other online. At least there was some stress relief.
Then I got it into my head to move 1/2 way across the country, get pregnant again and lock myself away in a 930 sq ft apartment with three kids. My husband works in the city in the evenings, stays out with co-workers all night and sleeps all day. We have one car so I am stuck at home after 1pm every day. It’s just me and the kids, and I feel trapped. All the time.
I love them, don’t get me wrong, I adore these little humans that run my life. They are my everything but I feel like I am completely lost and completely alone all of the time.
I am so over run by #2 that I can’t even care for poor #3. I don’t get to talk to anyone anymore unless you consider screaming PUT THAT DOWN! Don’t hit your sister! Don’t eat that! and Get your fingers out of your butt! a million times a day talking to someone.
I’ve tried to make friends, tried joining the PTA, doing the Girl Scout mom thing, meeting neighborhood moms, but no one ever wants to hang out with the single mom who has to cart her three kids everywhere and can only hang out during the day. I can’t run my oldest to sleepovers, pick her up from outings, go to Girls Night Out (the phrase actually confuses me. Moms get to go out with other moms? Friends? What?) or even have time to clean my house so other people want to come over here.
I’ve never been so depressed in my life. It’s true. I’ve been through some shit but complete isolation for over a year now has taken it’s toll on me in different ways.
Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me that somewhere out there are other people who don’t mind my ridiculous army of kids and are willing to actually see me through them.

 

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June 10, 2015 · 3:29 pm

For the love of Coffee and Netflix

 

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I have no idea how many days I am behind on my photo challenge.  For what it’s worth, I apologize. I was on Day 12- Photo of something you love. A picture of my kids would be to obvious so I found this one. It about sums up my whole life right now. 

 

 

 

 

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January 22, 2014 · 1:11 pm

Shameless Self Promotion Post

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Hey Kids!
There are so many new faces around! Welcome to everyone!
Just wanted to remind you all to like my Facebook Page for daily musings,  thoughtful insights, parenting wisdom..
Ok, it’s really just more nonsense but I find it amusing 🙂 Click below or you can use the FB widget on my page!

MommysaidtheFword 

Thanks kids! Make sure to share with your friends too!

 

 

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January 15, 2014 · 2:36 pm

My child is Pho-to-gen-ic

Day #8- A picture that makes you laugh

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January 13, 2014 · 5:04 pm

Liquid Gold

Day #7- A picture of your most treasured possession-

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Yep, that’s Breast Milk. Mothers best.
Why is it my most treasured posession? Because I have worked damn hard to be able to provide enough of it for my baby.  I had trouble breastfeeding K so being able to do it with Sy is so amazing for me.

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January 13, 2014 · 4:56 pm

How many is to many? (A talking it out to myself post)

Day #6 asks for a photo of something I want to do again. The answer, easily, is have more babies! The question really is- How many are to many?

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This question popped up on the Facebook page of a friend tonight. It then followed as a topic on TheLeakyBoob.com and Howtobeaman. Seeing it more than twice made me think that the universe was telling me to get my own thoughts out.
Since I had my son I have really been feeling the pull to have more children. It may be the hormones, it may be mental illness or it may be as The Hub says and my natural Virgo-ness is taking over. Whatever the reason, I can’t wait to crank out at least 4 more of these snuggly, snotty, poop factories that absolutely steal my heart.
I’ve really been thinking hard about this for the last few days. Syfy is almost 5 weeks old, which means I will be heading back to the doctor shortly for my 6 week check up. I know she is going to ask the big question about birth control.
Honestly, when I was trying to get preg last year I got really comfortable with the Natural family planning method so I would like to go that route and whatever happens happens. I would really like to be pregnant again within the year.
They say (and by they I mean my OB and our Pediatrician) that the best time for me to have my kids is between the age of 25 and 35. Well, I am 29 now so if I get pregnant every year I can have 6 more within the window. Not that I want to get pregnant every year. I am thinking that it will probably take 6-7 months between kids for my body to get back and for us to get preg again so I am thinking that 4 more may be possible. I am almost positive that 5 to 6 is my max.

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January 11, 2014 · 4:59 pm

Catching Up

Don’t worry kids, Mommy has not left you again. Real life has been demanding, little man is having a growth spurt so he’s been cranky as shit.

Anywhoo- to catch up on the photo challenge I am combining # 4-5.

#4- A photo of a habit you wish you didn’t have…

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Sweet Christ, you mean I can only pick one? Ok, no judgement.. I’m a nail biter. I have been trying to quit since I was in Kindergarten. I’ve tried hot sauce, special polishes, gloves, more hot sauce… it’s just ingrained in my subconscious. I think it’s because I wasn’t breastfed. Every bad habit is because I wasn’t breastfed.

#5- A picture of your favorite memory

Oh God, I can’t pick one. I really can’t. Once you have kids there are so many absolutely amazing things that happen in your life and most of the time, you are to busy laughing to grab the camera. There are TONS of  great pics on my FB page.. from the moment that Hub proposed to me, Kayla’s birth, our wedding, thousands of pictures of Kayla growing up, Sy’s birth and so many more. I just can’t pick one.

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January 11, 2014 · 4:53 pm